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Tuesday 24 December 2013: A Year In Review

This is my (now traditional) review of the news in 2013. I can only hope it is funny enough to be entertaining, but possibly not, because I’ve never been that good at this sort of thing – or as good as I like to think I am. Again, had we filmed an episode of Bad Jokes, this would have been its content. But no, again we have not. So this will, once again, be the only news-based project I do.

So we look to the news, and begin with the obvious stories that have run for years now; Christchurch and the Economy. These are the boring ones, not least because bugger all has happened in them over the year. The economy worldwide seems to be recovering overall, but nobody is really sure about this and people appear to have stopped caring. Certainly Europe is either in exactly the same amount of shit it was in last year, or the situation has gotten better, but either way they didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize this year, and there haven’t been many anti-German jokes. So I shall continue that trend. Earthquakes continued in Christchurch as well, following on from way back in 2011, but this year without the benefit rock concerts (which I personally have always found offensive – never mention rocking in an earthquake stricken area. Not good). And there, ladies and gentlemen, is this year’s mandatory earthquake joke.

Adding this year to the trend of disasters throughout the country and overseas there was a drought in the North island through February and March, with a massive typhoon in the Philippines in October. I won’t do jokes about these events, because that would be mean. There were some births and deaths – the Royal Baby, and Nelson Mandela, to name – that it would also be mean to take the piss out of. Then there was the thing where the Prime Minister of New Zealand had an affair, which no-one really cares about but he might have to resign blah blah blah. I personally just hope it goes off into a corner with Mr Mandela and dies. Oops, I said no death jokes.

Then there were some byzantine economic cockups this year too, starting with the Fonterra health scare in July/August, where NZ exports fell by loads and we looked set to completely fall off the world stage like a drunk comedian halfway through an act. And the United States countered this health scare by doing something (God knows what) about a health care scheme in the USA that no-one could agree on for ages and ages, so the COUNTRY HAD TO SHUT DOWN TO SORT IT OUT. I MEAN WHAAAAT?? Ultimately the issue was sorted out by females in the Republican party being smart and not characteristically stupid.

And then, because the media has to balance the opinions it represents, even the one that women are actually capable of being strong human beings, along comes (pun, you decide) Robin Thicke. Now, it seems the media has taken to people shaking this year, as the frenzy surrounding twerking in the late year, also surrounded the Harlem Shake in the early year. The only thing missing from that list is naked entry into a room, swinging from a wrecking ball, but I’ll stop that train of thought before it becomes physically scarring.

And with that, my review of the year, funny or not, draws to a close. But not first before sampling some headlines I came across in my research across the internet;